Hello Pot, that is a nice shade of black you are wearing. Sincerely, Kettle

Thanks to all our friends & family who read my blogs & understand them for what they really mean. To those who read more into them than necessary, you are free to stop reading them anytime. God has a purpose & a plan for our life. He puts nothing in our path we can not conquer. Our life is what we make it and I choose to live a wonderful, happy life with our two girls & whoever else may come along in the future.

I thought I could make my page public again, but apprarently I was wrong. Thank you to my friends who have kept me informed, but I would rather take the high road. I am happy to have a wonderful husband, two beautiful girls, and wonderful family and friends to love & support me daily. It is not worth the stress or complications to keep trying.

To whom it may concern: I thought we discussed this but I will address it one final time. Not everything I post is concerning you. My blogs are about ME & MY feelings, as they ought to be. If you truly feel they are about you, then by all means, stop reading my posts. Well, actually, I will be assisting you by limiting access to my page on Monday, so don't worry. I have not been to your page since I removed you from my friend list, so I am not completely sure what your damage is, but I do have friends that think I should see some things every now & then. I have better things to do than worry about you & your myspace page, especially right now, so there's that.

Like I said before, thank you to those people, but I would appreciate it stopping. I have my own life, I don't need to constantly worry about others' indiscrestions, immaturities, and insensitive comments. C'est la vie. I hope everyone has a wonderful evening, I know I will. I am happy to say I will be spending the entire weekend UNINTERRUPTED with family...no t-ball, no MK appointments, Matt's off, NO DRAMA (I hope). Thank God in advance for small miracles. Love you all!

Relieved

We thought it would be hard to explain to Ashley & Madyson what happened...but when we sat them down after breakfast yesterday & told them we had to talk about the baby, it went very well. I have to give you a quick play-by-play because it made me cry and laugh at the same time, I LOVE our girls!!!

Me: "Girls, you know that I have been sick for a few days. Well, we had the baby on Thursday. It was too small and it went to be with God in Heaven."

Mady: "The baby was a chicken nugget!"

Ashley: "Does God have other babies for him to play with?"

Matt: "Yes, he has hundreds of babies."

Madyson: "thats lots of babies"

Ashley: "Does God have a wife to take care of the babies?"

Matt: "I don't know, he might."

Ashley: "Well, our baby must have been special for God to want him to come live with him."

Me: "Yes, our baby was so special God couldn't wait to see him."

Ashley: "Is God going to give us another baby?"

Me: "He might, but not right now. He wants us to spend some time with you & Madyson and then maybe he'll give us another baby later."

Ashley: "I'm happy our baby is with Jesus, but I hope he lets us have a boy baby next time."

**********************************************************

Can you believe that? I am so thankful that God gave us the Wisdom & her the understanding to handle this situation so well.

As a side note, I had my final follow up today. I am healed completely (which surprised even the doctor!) and can return to "light activity." She says we should have no future complications from this miscarriage that would affect another pregnancy. However, she also advised we should wait at least 3 menstrual cycles to be sure my body has had time to recover before trying again.

We were able to find out more information on WHY my body rejects pregnancy hormones in the first trimester and how we can prevent that next pregnancy. Also, I knew I had an inverted uterus and tilted cervix, but it was explained more in depth to us while we were going though tests. Now I know that it is so inverted it is almost touching itself & that my cervix is at an odd angle. We also know that as soon as we find out we are pregnant next time, we will have to see a doctor for some "medical intervention" to give my body a better chance of accepting the embryo!

With all of these things put together, we are even more thankful we had Madyson with as little complication as we did. I know it sounds weird, but this has been a blessing in disguise for many reasons, most of them personal.

Thank you for your support, love, and understanding.

What I want to say...

Ok everyone, you'll just have to excuse this post...well, read it & tell me what ya think, but then dismiss my craziness, LOL...I'll post a follow up later...

YOU STUPID HEIFER!!! STAY OUT OF MY LIFE WHERE IT DOES NOT CONCERN YOU!!! JUST BECAUSE YOU LOST CUSTODY OF ASHLEY TO MATTHEW & I BECAUSE YOU ARE A SELFISH, UNSTABLE, LYING, & CRAZY HEIFER, DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO TRY TO BRING ME DOWN AT A TIME LIKE THIS.

SO, I HAD A MISCARRIAGE. YES, IT WAS A VERY PAINFUL AND TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE. THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT I AM AN EVIL PERSON. YOU ARE THE ONE THAT HAS KILLED AT LEAST 2 (that you admit to) UNBORN CHILDREN BY CHOICE THROUGH ABORTION. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, I BROUGHT THAT UP. DEAL WITH IT.

YES, I TOO BELIEVE KARMA IS A WONDERFUL THING & THAT PEOPLE GET BACK THREE TIMES WHAT THEY SEND OUT...BUT AT THE SAME TIME, IF THAT IS TRULY THE CASE, WHY HAVEN'T YOU BEEN HIT BY A MACK TRUCK AND THEN LEFT ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD TO BE DEVOURED AS CARRION? OH, THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S BECAUSE THERE IS ALSO A GOD!!!

I KNOW HE HAS A PLAN FOR MY FAMILY. YES, EVEN YOU HAD TO BE A PART OF THAT PLAN IN ORDER FOR ASHLEY TO BE BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD, AND I DEAL WITH THAT BECAUSE SHE IS SUCH A SPECIAL WONDERFUL GIRL. THAT DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO INVOLVE YOURSELF IN OUR LIFE FURTHER THAN SHE IS CONCERNED.

YOU HAVE LOST ALL RIGHTS TO HER, OTHER THAN A VISIT EVERY OTHER WEEKEND. HOW'S THAT WORK OUT FOR YOU? I AM RAISING "YOUR" CHILD AND OURS, AS WELL AS TRYING TO FIGHT YOUR STUPID APPEAL THAT YOU'LL NEVER WIN. MAYBE THAT'S WHY GOD FELT WE HAD ENOUGH ON OUR PLATE AT THIS TIME.

YOU WON'T EVER LEAVE US ALONE TO BE HAPPY. GUESS WHAT THOUGH...IT DOESN'T WORK. WE ARE AS HAPPY AS WE CAN BE TO HAVE 2 HAPPY, HEALTHY, BEAUTIFUL GIRLS. MATTHEW & I LOVE AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER MORE EVERY DAY. THIS LOSS HAS BROUGHT OUR FAMILY EVEN CLOSER TOGETHER.

SO, GET OUT OF MY LIFE!

Still Healing...

Ok, I know I am supposed to be in bed....we all know how well that is working out, right? I have been in bed all week, I had to get out for a little bit today!!!

I went to Ashley's t-ball game & I PROMISE I sat in a chair the whole time! I did get a little sunburned on my face thanks to my new sensitive skin while on the antibiotic, but other than that I did ok. I know it will be a while before word gets around, but I just want to say...the awkwardness of having to explain to people what has happened is not fun. Especially when they walk up and say "OH, I hear you are pregnant, Congratulations!" When I say "we were, but we miscarried this week" I get different reactions. I guess some people think its great that I am already up & around living life, but others feel I should be at home mourning our loss or something to that effect.

I just want to make it clear, we are VERY devastated by our loss, but we also have two happy, healthy, beautiful little girls to love and care for. Some people don't ever get that chance. My life doesn't have to stop for me to mourn my unborn child. I want to move forward with our family and live life. Is that really so wrong? Thank you all once again for being here for our family. We truly do love and appreciate every bit of support and kindness right now.

*To the person who shall remain nameless - your apology meant nothing. Stay away from me.

Healing...

I wanted to wait until we had all the facts and had time to process all this for ourselves...but I also feel I need to share, especially other moms, so I can begin to heal. Thank you for reading, I love you all.

We've had a miscarriage. Yes, we had a strong heartbeat 2 weeks ago and everything was fine. Sunday, I began having some cramps and light bleeding. We chose to go to the ER Monday evening & then after MANY ultrasounds...no heartbeat & the baby was only measuring at about 9 weeks. At our appointment, it was confirmed. My hormone levels that would normally double in 48 hours had been cut in half. We chose to set up a D&C for Friday morning to avoid the risks involved with "the natural way." It was not my first choice, but due to some health complications, it thought it would be the safest way.

However, God knows best. Less than 3 hours after scheduling that appointment, I began having contractions and severe bleeding. Minutes later, I held my tiny 2 inch baby in my hands looking at its tiny little hands with fingers, its tiny baby toes, and its little eye buds that were still forming...along with me bleeding profusely...it was more than I could handle. We rushed to the ER where I passed the rest of the placenta and other fluids. I had to have another trans-vaginal ultrasound to make sure there were no clots, tissue, etc left behind in my uterus to avoid infection or complications with future pregnancies. Finally, I was given two meds...one to help with cramping/bleeding and one to prevent infection....then sent home to sleep off my pain meds. It has been a hard week, and we are dealing with everything slowly.

I am so lucky to have Matthew. He held himself together at a time where he could have easily fallen apart on the floor next to me...because I needed him more. He showed me once again that he is my other half and will always be here for me. There are those who have no soul & choose to use this time to attack me. I just hope they know that I am a strong person with an even stronger support system behind me. I will not let words or actions get me down or make me stoop to that level. You ask...What kind of person would kick someone when they are down like this? If you think hard enough, you'll probably guess.

I know that nothing I nor my husband have done could have caused this unfortunate event. We will get through this and try again when we are ready. I do believe that all things happen for a reason, whether we know that reason at the time...or never even figure it out for ourselves. I love my husband and our entire families. I knew I had a wonderful group of friends, but I never knew the magnitude of how much you all cared until this week. Thank you so much for your thoughts, prayers, emails, cards...and so much more!!! Please pray for us to have the wisdom and strength to tell Ashley & Madyson so that they will understand.

***********************************************

Just a sidenote of strong emotion...those of you who have or will use abortion as a means of birth control because YOU were irresponsible...SCREW YOU!!! I held MY 9-12 week old "embryo" in my hands and it was a BABY!!! If I have hurt your feelings, tough, I'm not sorry. This is not directed at those who have extreme situations due to abuse or forced intercourse by any means, but merely at those who could have used a condom or other form of birth control but were too lazy or didn't care then decided to kill their child because of THEIR irresponsibility.