I wanted to wait until we had all the facts and had time to process all this for ourselves...but I also feel I need to share, especially other moms, so I can begin to heal. Thank you for reading, I love you all.
We've had a miscarriage. Yes, we had a strong heartbeat 2 weeks ago and everything was fine. Sunday, I began having some cramps and light bleeding. We chose to go to the ER Monday evening & then after MANY ultrasounds...no heartbeat & the baby was only measuring at about 9 weeks. At our appointment, it was confirmed. My hormone levels that would normally double in 48 hours had been cut in half. We chose to set up a D&C for Friday morning to avoid the risks involved with "the natural way." It was not my first choice, but due to some health complications, it thought it would be the safest way.
However, God knows best. Less than 3 hours after scheduling that appointment, I began having contractions and severe bleeding. Minutes later, I held my tiny 2 inch baby in my hands looking at its tiny little hands with fingers, its tiny baby toes, and its little eye buds that were still forming...along with me bleeding profusely...it was more than I could handle. We rushed to the ER where I passed the rest of the placenta and other fluids. I had to have another trans-vaginal ultrasound to make sure there were no clots, tissue, etc left behind in my uterus to avoid infection or complications with future pregnancies. Finally, I was given two meds...one to help with cramping/bleeding and one to prevent infection....then sent home to sleep off my pain meds. It has been a hard week, and we are dealing with everything slowly.
I am so lucky to have Matthew. He held himself together at a time where he could have easily fallen apart on the floor next to me...because I needed him more. He showed me once again that he is my other half and will always be here for me. There are those who have no soul & choose to use this time to attack me. I just hope they know that I am a strong person with an even stronger support system behind me. I will not let words or actions get me down or make me stoop to that level. You ask...What kind of person would kick someone when they are down like this? If you think hard enough, you'll probably guess.
I know that nothing I nor my husband have done could have caused this unfortunate event. We will get through this and try again when we are ready. I do believe that all things happen for a reason, whether we know that reason at the time...or never even figure it out for ourselves. I love my husband and our entire families. I knew I had a wonderful group of friends, but I never knew the magnitude of how much you all cared until this week. Thank you so much for your thoughts, prayers, emails, cards...and so much more!!! Please pray for us to have the wisdom and strength to tell Ashley & Madyson so that they will understand.
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Just a sidenote of strong emotion...those of you who have or will use abortion as a means of birth control because YOU were irresponsible...SCREW YOU!!! I held MY 9-12 week old "embryo" in my hands and it was a BABY!!! If I have hurt your feelings, tough, I'm not sorry. This is not directed at those who have extreme situations due to abuse or forced intercourse by any means, but merely at those who could have used a condom or other form of birth control but were too lazy or didn't care then decided to kill their child because of THEIR irresponsibility.
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