Reply

First off, you don't "piss me off". I have better things to worry about, like my children, than about whether or not you are angry or hurt or sad or anything else. I tried to be nice, I tried to be understanding. On a side note, this part makes no SENSE. Perhaps you were trying to say something else "good old fashoned comon sense that allows you to be pissed off at me all the time" but please elaborate if you would like me to understand.I do not believe you are making me out to be less of a person to Monster. I know where I stand with her.

However, it sure is funny how after a weekend with you she says things like "BM said you're not my mommy" & "BM said you are a mean girl and I don't have to listen to you." She doesn't just pull those things out of nowhere. She has heard them somewhere.I am not going off the deep end. I am responding to your passive-aggressive behaviors in the same way you presented them. You read a blog I posted about parenting and assumed it was about you. It was not, by the way. But, that's just another example of how YOU assume the world is only concerned with you. I don't know where you could have gathered that. If you think that I started this dialogue, go back and read that first one...it was all you!

In case you forgot, here is what you wrote: "I think that sometimes, we have 2 faces and when we want something we are willing to provide lip service and then change our opinion when others are around. Its pretty sad, but then we are all gulity. I also think that to make something about a childs best intrest is good. Yet, I also think that sometimes we forget who the mother and father is. Yes, everyone should love a child involved in a broken home, yet we should stand down and allow some parental decisions to be made wearhter we like them or not. And stop letting the parent that feels excluded, feel that way. Why would I have to make all the calls and what not. If this is a family that is supposed to pull together?"

Right there you tried to put me in my place. I don't give lip service. After three years you should know that I don't put up with lies. I don't need them. Why lie when the truth is just as much fun? I could give a flying flip who gave birth to her. Neither does she. I will never stand down on parental decisions because she is my daughter also. I will reiterate, decisions regarding her will affect BOTH households. Even if it the decision is only about you seeing her more. Case in point, Mondays. I don't object to her spending time with you. But any parent would agree that keeping a child in an office for two days straight is not only insane, but borderline abuse.

Even in childcare we are not allowed to let children stay inside all day. Also, when it will mean that I have to put Monkey in a car for 2 HOURS just to accommodate YOUR schedule, FORGET IT. Take that however you want. It is bad enough that you are making Monster sit in a car that long. I agreed to S. City (and so did you at dinner), one hour is the limit. Unless you were lying to my face when you said that you wouldn't want me to have to haul Monkey that far. You did not agree on pickup/dropoff times. You refused to drive here to pick her up for YOUR time.

Hubby agreed to drive to P. City every other Monday just to get you to shut up and let us have some family time. However, logistically, it may not be possible with his new work schedule, so be prepared. Also, I think you should be able to call US to discuss problems. Please do. Your limitations are laid out on paper. When and how often you can call, when you pick her up, and what we will discuss with you. If you are unsure, TALK to us about it. Don't call demanding to speak to Hubby.

Next, I know you could never replace me, believe me. As far as putting myself in your shoes, I don't have to worry about Monkey doing the same thing, because I didn't and won't leave her father to be with someone else. I can handle the problems life throws at me, no matter how hard they are. I think before I act & I won't have children with a man I am not going to spend the rest of my life with.The only decision you've had to "live with" is a haircut that MONSTER picked out and decided on. I am not going to apologize for that.

Just for the record, I could care less about "punishing you." God will do enough of that when you get there.I have never told you that you are unintelligent. No, I do not throw my education in your face. It is just a fact of life. If you are bothered by it, I will not apologize. Get over it. Also, if you are going to make it a point to show me that you are "not a blithering idiot" please have someone proofread your "work" before sending. It just makes me laugh even more when I am proven right. I don't need to "show out" (whatever that means).

You have neither right nor reason not to trust me. You are the one that just said it was a BLOG and that you should be able to express your feelings. That is all I am doing. Your own lack of confidence and self-destructive behaviors are the only things for you to fear. Things start going great and smooth in Monster's life and you can't stand it. Think back, you'll find it's never us to start the issues. We have only responded to your insecurities. This is why I know I haven't been wrong about you. You see things through your own perspective and spin them to make everyone else the bad guy.

Why do you think your dad wants nothing to do with you? He sees Monster through us because you treat him like everyone else in your life. If someone has something you want, you are right as rain. Once you get what you want, you treat them like shit. Not me anymore. You can deal with what you get. If you want something more, prove it. Stop lying and trying to manipulate. When you call, get off the defensive.

Realize this though, I will not be tread upon. I am a self-actualized person and I know I have more to offer than you are willing to listen to. I have never given you any misinformation. I have only offered tips and tools to help you raise Monster in the same manner we will so that she will have consistency. As a childcare professional with experience in birth through 12thgrade and the oldest of 6 children, I have knowledge that you as an only child with no prior experience with children could benefit from if you would only give it a chance. You are too busy trying to make me your enemy. You have from day one been jealous; admit it to yourself so that you can move past it.

One more thing, just for clarification, you could never put me down, because you would have to be superior to do that. I don't feel that you deserve the status of superiority to me, nor vice versa.

Choices

After some recent conversations, I have decided to post the following:

My husband and I make the right choices for our family. They may not be the best fot him or me, but we see them validated everyday in our children's faces and actions. Every time our children make the right choices at school, home, and church. Every time anyone tells us how wonderfully behaved they are. We know that we are rasing them in a loving home with "concious discipline" (thanks Dr. Becky Bailey).Wherever they are, whoever they are with, we know they will have the knowledge and power to make the right decisions. Outside influences will always try to negatively affect them, but I know with the right guidance the right choice will shine through.

The world is becoming a place that teaches violence, drug abuse, and teenage pregnancy is just a way of life. I know that sometimes even a child of great parents can make a wrong CHOICE. However, by preparing our children with every tool possible I hope to give them the best chance to succeed.

If you are a parent, stop being selfish. Make the right choices for your child. It doesn't matter if you don't like it. You are not your child's friend, you are their parent. If they don't like you at some point, GOOD, you are doing your job. If a child only gets his/her own way all the time, he/she learns that the world will bend to them. If a child has to live with disappointment everyonce in a while, they will learn to deal with life's twists and turns before the real world hits them. We are raising children that will be the future. Please keep this in mind when making choices regarding them.

To whom it may concern:

First off, a disclaimer...This is directed toward one person. Everyone else, feel free to read and comment all you want. I won't mind. If I didn't want people to read my feelings, I wouldn't post them. THANKS!

Ok, I'm done trying to be nice. It's time to be honest. I don't like you, never have, probably never will. I have tried to put on a friendly face, only to have it slapped repeatedly by your underhand and deceit. You can lie about me to whomever you wish, but those are transgressions you will have to face up to at some point in your own life or thereafter. You can take this however you want, but don't take it out on hubby or Monster by throwing her life into turmoil again. She is doing well and we will fight tooth & nail if necessary to keep it that way.

It's also great that "most of the time" you have Monster's best interest in mind, but we as parents ALWAYS put them first.
I have never been two-faced. I have never told you we were friends. I have said that we were trying to get along for Monster's well-being. I have never put on a facade for you or anyone else's benefit. At our custody meeting I was civil, made small talk, and gave you ample time to discuss issues.

I will say this again, hubby, the girls, and I are a FAMILY. We make decisions that will affect our FAMILY as a TEAM. Yes, we are capable of making decisions independent of one another, but we CHOOSE to confront life TOGETHER. If that makes you feel you play a second-stage part in Monster's life, that is your problem.

People can only make you feel what you want. If you are doing everything you can to be the best possible mom for Monster, then you should have no problem with the bond that she and I share or the fact that I am involved in her upbringing as closely as I always have been. Maybe if you have another child with someone else, you will understand the effects it has on a mixed family.

Also, you can tell her that I am not her mommy and that you "carried her in your belly" all you want. That doesn't change how she feels towards me, or vice versa. Yes, you are her BIOLOGICAL mother, but I am just as much her mommy as you are. Frankly, I am tired of hearing your "BM Pity Party". The world (not even Monster's) does not revolve around you. You are only one piece of the giant puzzle that is Monster.

I have tried SO hard to make everything work. Regardless of what you think, I have never tried to replace you. Get over yourself.
Right now you only have yourself and Monster to be concerned about. SF can be as involved as you let him. But just know, that if you have children together, you'll have to deal with a whole new set of guidelines, believe me or not, you'll see.

Next, I want to address the distance/phone issue. Yes, phones work both ways. But you can't have it both ways. If you want me to stay out of your business with Monster, then it is not my place to make sure that she calls you. You as her mother need to make the effort to be in her life as much as you want to be. YOU need to call her and be involved. I am only supposed to make sure that she is able to take your call or return one when it is missed. The only guidelines we have ever given is that the call needs to be placed between 4:30 and 7:00 pm in order in ensure that she is available and not in the bath or bed & that it is not EVERY night. We give you your space and time with her and we would appreciate the same courtesy.

I truly am sorry if you feel like the parent on the outside, though. It was never our intention to push you out of her life. I have ALWAYS made every effort to give you all the time with Monster that was available (minus the tumultuous time in recent history). Monster does not feel this as a point of doom. She is COMPLETELY happy with us @ home and her friends at school. Yes, she could probably be doing better if she heard from you every once in a while, but that is up to you.

We have never told you that you have to be a certain way to be around her. We have never made her choose sides and never will. YOU are the one making a big deal about who is Mommy. Hubby never once gave you hell over teaching her to call your ex "dada". He helped raise her for 2 years and Hubby understood that.

As for me, you are stuck. I am not going anywhere and my position will not change. Due to time constraints regarding both your and Hubby's schedules, I will have to continue to pick-up/drop-off Monster as necessary. Despite what you think, my goal in life isn't ruining yours and I wouldn't want to put your job in jeopardy. I have better things to do.
I agree, it is time to let the past go. That means YOU have to get over it too!

BTW, Hubby has already read this, so do not think you can play him either. He nor I no longer speak to you alone anyway, and if it does happen, it is being recorded. Keep that in mind.

I will continue to be civil to you regarding Monster, as well, hubby & I will keep you updated on her progress.

You can choose to delete me from your friends so that you may talk about me behind my back on your private profile, but I won't make my profile private. I want you to see what is going on in Monster's life and I won't be that petty. I have nothing to hide from you or anyone else. If I did, I wouldn't post it on MySpace.

Have a GREAT day!

Intentions

Ya know, when someone says they've changed, you only have to give them the benefit of the doubt until they've shown they haven't. I want to believe it for the sake of the innocent involved, but its very hard when you see the old person peek through. I know that life is hard and no one makes ALL the right choices. I understand and empathize, but I don't have to like any of it. I have the right to be perturbed. However, I am going to exercise the power of intention at this point. I am going to believe that change is possible and that everything is for the best. I will not resist the moment, I will live in it and make it work for me and my family. If you're reading this and it makes you upset, then maybe you have some things to look at in your own life. It is not necessarily directed toward one person, but as a general statement.

EVIL TWIN

Current mood:amused

Does everyone have an evil twin? You know, the other half of you that you wish people never knew, but still manages to poke its ugly head every once in a while? I know I do, but I am working on suppressing mine even further, so bear with me if I am a little bitchy at times. Its hard to keep my evil twin in her cage ALL the time, everyone needs exercise. Maybe one day soon I will be able to let her out at the appropriate moments only.

Toy Overload

Ok, we are FINALLY finishing the playroom for the girls!!! We thought about giving them each their own room, but really sharing a room will benefit them much more. They have so many shared toys & play together so much they would just be back and forth anyway. PLUS, sharing a room will help them learn to better communicate, establish personal boundaries, and many other skills needed for a successful life.

YAY, this means I get my room back and they have a place for ALL their toys! As if they didn't have enough already, all their grandparents & great-grandparents bought them SOOOOO many things that we haven't even been able to take a quarter out of the boxes yet!We (matt & I) agreed to buy them only 2 toys a piece, clothes, and each a tent/sleeping bag/flashlight set (Monkey: lil mermaid & Monster: disn. princess) because we were told how much to expect from everywhere else! They opened presents for 3 days !!!

Just a highlight of their loot received from everyone else...an actvity desk, indoor/outdoor patio table/chairs set, barbies, baydolls, A TON of art supplies, preschool workbooks, a few stuffed animals, Color by Wonder sets, MORE duplos, a TMX elmo, LEAP PAD stuff for BOTH of their leap pads, Playdough and a billion toys to go with it, clothes of course and SOOOOO much more! HELP ME!!! I have vowed that by Friday we will be in OUR room again. That is, if the toys don't overtake us first!!!

2007

Ok guys & gals...2006 is over & it was hard but ended superbly. Matthew and I have made it through another year without too much drama .

Monkey & Monster have grown so much and are deveolping their own very distinct personalities. Monster is a drama queen & the world is just "SO HARD" for her. We like to call her "WIM" (woe is me), but we cut her a little slack because she has to go between her mother's apt and our home. She's been through a lot of changes in her 3 1/2 years, but has come through it all more adjusted than I would be. I Know she'll be fine in the longrun, especially now that we've worked out a more structured parenting schedule with BM.

Monkey, on the other hand, is just a ball of energy. Nothing stops her when she wants to do something. She will try until she can't try anymore. She is more "LAM" (look at me). At only 18 months I can already see her being President of the World if she wants. She is so happy just running around being herself.

For right now, both girls play well together & love to be around each other.

For me, 2007 is going to be a time for growing and developing new & existing relationships; giving second chances, and getting closer to having everything I've always wanted.
My promises to myself, God, & my family this year are:1) To be more patient with my husband- yes, I love him more than any other man in this world and always will (but husbands can be so frustrating)

2) To continue to give our girls the love and respect they deserve as well as the space & support they need to grow into the beautiful, smart women I know they will be someday

3) To give second chances to those who may not deserve them, but need the opprtunity to show that they have changed or are in the process of turning over a new leaf & to also give them the benefit of the doubt in more situations

4) To put the finishing touches on my "happily ever after" dream (My family & close friends should know what I mean)

5) To live, love, and laugh the whole year through so that by this time next year I can look back and be as proud of my life as I am right now