Holiday Fun

We FINALLY took our Holiday pics yesterday. For once, they turned out GREAT!!! Monster & Monkey BOTH smiled!!! We took about 17 poses and bought 12 of them. I think 5 "not so great" pics are great for having 5 people in them. I can't wait to get them posted for you all to see!!!

We are doing Christmas on the evening of the 26th this year so our whole family can be here. If you aren't busy, stop by for some extra Christmas cheer!!! Monster will spend some time with the other part of her family until the 25th & then we'll take her to Gpa for some time with him. She is sooo excited!!!

Monskey is spending Christmas night with Granny/PawPaw so that I can get up at dawn on the 26th and SHOP SHOP SHOP!!! After Christmas, the girls & I will be travelling to WV to my grandparents for MORE family fun, LOL.

To My Stalker & her friends

I knew that would get your attention.

I LOVE MY LIFE!!! It is so nice to be thought of by so many people everyday!!! My family, friends, church family, MK Sisters, and so many people know the real me. All of you (you know who you are) who have never taken the chance to know me have no right to judge me. You wish you could know me because then you could hate me. At the same time you are afraid to know me for fear that I am not the monster you have made me out to be. I am written about, talked about, and lied about. Jealousy is such an interesting feeling. At least I am forthcoming with my feelings. I don't have to hide, my blog is available for you and your friends to view.I welcome your comments.

BM, I am sorry that you hate me or resent my place in Monster's life or whatever the issue is. We used to be able to talk about her and so many other things. When exactly did you start hating me? There have been times where we haven't seen eye to eye, but what two people do all the time? You know there have times that I have been here when YOU needed me, not even concerning Monster. Or have you forgotten?

I want you to know I don't hate you. I feel for you. I can't imagine living life without Monster or Monkey daily. We never wanted it to have to come down to this, but it has. We have tried to meet with you to offer more time and a more flexible schedule while she is not in school, but you refused.

We all have our own strengths and weaknesses. You have your talents, hubby has his. SF & I have ours. Wouldn't it benefit Monster to be able to draw from all of those areas? Why should everything be a battle? You won't meet with us to get on the same page to be able to parent together, ask your opinion or involve you in choices, yet you criticize the ones we make. You say call to talk, yet when Hubby calls, you are on the defensive. Would you rather try to hate us from a distance & be "safe" than trust us? Or is it that you feel better hating us because you think we took her away?

Hubby may have been awarded primary physical custody but that doesn't have to affect your relationship with Monster unless you let it. I recognize you as Monster's mother, does that help? I can't tell you any other way. I want you to be in her life, but you are making that hard on yourself.

Hubby can only take so much from both of us. I am his wife and he will support me and my decisions regarding our home, children, and our lives together. That also means that he will include me in his decision making process, as I am sure you will do the same with your husband. You are Monster's mother and we will respect your views and opinions on choices regarding her. We will keep you informed, you will have to keep yourself involved. We only ask that you respect us and stop trying to make our lives as difficult as possible, you are only hurting Monster. She is happy, healthy, and loved by so many people, is that really so bad?

As far as the exchange place goes, we will document what is necessary in order to save Monster any unnecessary travel. By making that choice, you lost an hour with her. Was it worth it? All you need to do is call. Yes, sometimes we may have plans that we are not going to change. How will you know if you don't try? We do ask that you respect our time and give us as much notice as possible when you are able to be in town. Who knows, we might even offer to let you keep her an extra day. Hubby usually works the Sunday night we pick her up, wouldn't you rather have that time with your daughter? I know that's a hard concept to grasp given the circumstances, but we've done it before. That is what co-parenting is all about; being willing to make the best decisions for Monster, not ourselves.

That goes for all aspects of the order and Monster's life. We are not hiding anything from you and do not anticipate doing so. We expect the same respect from you. We are hoping that you can give us complete openness and honesty. I hope that one day you will have respect enough to speak with me honestly about your feelings, and stop accusing me of trying to replace you. You don't have to compete with me. I have my own special place in Monster's heart, as do all her parents.

My "Place"

I know where I stand in my relationships, but other people feel I don't. I want to put this out there to make sure I can not be unjustly accused one more day of trying to pose as or replace "HER".

For those of you who may not know (if any), I am not Monster's biological mother. No, I didn't conceive her, carry her for 9 months, or give birth to her. I have only been in her life since she was 6 months old, or the last 4 years & 1 month.

I don't believe giving birth to a child is the only way to be a MOMMY. If that were the case, there would be millions of motherless adoptees. No one ever says that those women are not "mommies" or that the children they raise have no right to love and respect them in that role.
Step-mothers have the task of raising a child that is not theirs, but feels very much as their own without the bio-mother feeling replaced. How am I supposed to love a child like my own, but treat her differently or call her "step-child" with a clear conscience? Am I supposed to care for her daily needs, help support her financially, answer questions about life, kiss booboos, discipline her, and love her as I do Madyson but at a distance?

It is apparently OK with the bio-mom that Monster has two Daddies (she has only know the stepdad for a year & he's been "daddy" for 10 months), but it is out of the question for her to have two Mommies. Is that really fair? Is he going to treat Monster differently than their child? Is he supposed to love his child more than her? Is he committing the same wrongs when he calls Monster his daughter?

I don't know how else to say that I am not trying to replace HER in Monster's life. The truth of the matter is, the more Monster's mind is poisoned against people in her life, the more confusing her life will be. I am SICK AND TIRED of fighting to prove my role in her life. I know where I stand. If she has a problem with it, that is all it will be; HER PROBLEM. Are all these issues stemming from MY role as Monster's step-mom/other mommy or her own insecurites as a mom? Only she and God know. Can I really replace her in Ashley's life if she is being the mom that Ashley deserves? I don't think so. Is it my doing if Ashley feels loved as much as Madyson? DARN STRAIGHT IT IS!!! She has never and will never feel like the "step-child" in our home, no matter what the circumstances.

I think that deep down she wishes I would treat Monster differently so that she could call me an evil person. Right now, all she has to go on is that I don't like her or what she has done to Monster. That must make me an evil person right? I don't like my husbands ex-wife. MY, WHAT A MONSTER I AM!!! I don't like someone who has put my relationship with my husband through so much stress the last four years because of the constant turmoil in Monster's life? I MUST BE STRAIGHT FROM HELL!!! I can't stand to speak to someone who's lied to me, my husband, social services, police, and the NC Court Sytem? WHAT AM I THINKING?!!

As I have stated before, the judge saw through facade and double standards to award Hubby primary custody. He did this for many reasons. If you would like a list, email me.
I love Monster as my daughter now and always. We will continue to love her, care for her, and make her life the best we are capable. Please pray for her and keep her in your thoughts as we live daily as happily as any other family could.If anyone would like to lodge a complaint with me, you know where to reach me. I am not the kind of person who has to hide or cower in the face of criticism.

On another note, Hubby, I love you more than you'll ever know. We have come through so much and I can't wait for the road we will travel in life. Monster, you were our first child and you will always be special. I will always be here when you need me. Monkey, my baby girl, you will always have my heart & your big sister's helping hands

Wasting Time

Hope begins in the dark, hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work; you don't give up. Anne Lamott

We are trying so hard to do the best for Monster. However, it is so hard to keep hoping that BM will make the right decisions. For example, today when we picked up Moster, we asked how her weekend went. She said she had fun with BM & SF at bm's mother's house. Matt told her that must have been fun. She then asked why she had to ride with SF but BM got to stay at gma's house. Yes, SF dropped off Monster & no BM to be seen. Mind you, this concerned us because we picked up Monster at the exchange point which is 1/2 way between bio-mother's home and our own, 1 hour each way...but gma lives 10 minutes from us. Which means Monster was in a car for 2 hours for NO good reason other than to waste our time and gas!

When Hubby called to ask bio-mother about it, she couldn't give a reason that would justify the time, other than her lawyer advised her "not to sway from the order". When in actuality, she violated the order. It states that "both parties shall be mindful and considerate of the other's time..." AND it even cost her an hour of time with Monster (because she didn't even make the trip...she sent SF).

If I only had 48 hours with my child every 2 weeks, I would spend every minute possible with her. Maybe she will realize that by trying to waste our time & energy, she is costing herself more. If not, I am sorry, but we will not shed a tear for her. Is proving that she is not going to budge really worth hurting our daughter? Its pretty sad to think that she would rather try to hurt us than spend the time with Monster. Her inflexibility will cost her more in the long run than she realizes. For now, we will enjoy Monster & make the best of our time in the car, even when it isn't necessary...singing, joking, and being a family!

Life isn't all sunshine and daisies. We have to put our children first, even when we don't get our way. Hugs and Kisses to ALL!!!

Our Family History - Chapter 1

Hubby & I met in HS & had a few classes together, but I dated the same guy through HS & Hubby wasn't really in my "circle." In Fall of 2003, Hubby was separating from Monster's bio-mother. On a twist of fate, Hubby & I ran into each other at a football game (his mom had forced him to go to) about 2 weeks before our mutual friend JR was going to be moving in with him. Being that JR and I spent a lot of time together, I figured I might as well get to know Hubby again.

Hubby & I went to IHOP after the game & played "catch up." We talked about our lives since HS & his then 6 month old daughter Monster. Well, like I said before, JR and I were close which meant seeing a lot of Hubby too. One night after a movie & some XBOX @ JR's parents home, Hubby kissed me. It was definitely not something I was expecting, but that's where it all began.

Fast forward one year, and we find out we are expecting Monkey! Yet again, not expected, but wonderful none the less. Hubby & I had planned on being married and starting our family soon, but maybe not quite this soon. He wanted to have a more stable income & be a man his children could look up to, so he decided to begin Basic Law Enforcement Training and enter the police force.

While all this was going on, his mom found out she had Cirhossis and had to undergo some testing and hospital stays. We moved from our home into theirs for a few months to help care for his younger brother S who was in Elementary school at the time. It was definitely an interesting experience. I was pregnant, he was in BLET, we were going through some custody changes with Monster, and so much more! I am surprised my head didn't explode!!!

OK, all you guys out there, you may want to skip these next few parts!!! Hubby and I planned to be married a few weeks before Monkey was due. We got our marriage license and everything was good to go. He and I went to Red Lobster that night to celebrate! Well, Hubby had a job interview that morning & my dad called me and asked if I could work at our care home because someone didn't show up! Since we only had one car at the time, we went to the interview, ran by wal-mart, and went to the care home.

I had felt cramps all morning, but thought it was just something I had eaten the night before or really bad gas (sorry for the TMI). Around 2, my sister showed up to relieve me at the care home & we went home. We finally called the birth center (we wanted to have a natural water birth) & they gave us all kinds of instuctions on how to stop the "Braxton Hicks" contractions I was supposedly having...think again!!! At 4 pm, Hubby & I met his parents at the courthouse. We got married in about 10 minutes (between what I later found out were contractions!) & went home.

At 6:00 I finally called the Birth center back and asked if I could have some tylenol or something & they had us come in just to be on the safe side. On the way to the birth center, I started having what i called REAL pain. When we got there, I was 10 cm and at a +2 station (for those who don't know, the head was almost showing!) Well, 10 minutes later, Monkey graced us with her presence! I will definitely never forget that day!

Hubby got his first position as a police officer in Nov 2005. His Chief and all the other officers were wonderful! That PD family was wonderful to have, but it was too far of a drive and he wasn't making near what he was worth. When he was offered a position, closer to home making 8k more plus raises in 6 months...he jumped on it! He should've started in February, but his body decided it didn't need his Gallbladder anymore so, after surgery and 2 weeks of resting, he started in March 2007.

Backtrack a little, in fall 2006, we began having BIG issues with Monster's bio-mother. Matt filed for custody in October because of some major concerns. Then, all of a sudden she starts dating this guy & decided to move 2 hours away (within 2 months). We knew that Monster didn't need to travel all that way twice a week. After mediation, Hubby & BM agreed that Monster would be with us during the week and every other weekend. That worked for about 4 months.

Then, out of the blue BM decided it wasn't going to work for her. Knowing there was nothing else we could do, we returned to the original order. Our attorney set a court date and we started preparing for the battle ahead. After many re-scheduled dates, 2 unsubstantiated sexual abuse reports (filed by the bio-mother), and DRAMA, we finally got in front of a judge. Then, after 3 days of testimony and some more time in agony waiting for a decision, Hubby was awarded Primary Physical Custody. The judge listed many reasons for his decision, most of which were based on the BM's instability. We were in shock that it was all finally over!!! Now we are able to give her the life she deserves!

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Icicle lights are up (even though they don't match). Thanks Hubby!! My OCD nature will have to look past them for a few more weeks), Monster & Monkey have visited Santa, and we have presents wrapped and under the decorated tree. YAY, soon S he will be here. Saturday, Monkey will be attending our church's Birthday Party for Jesus! Monster will be at her other home for the weekend, so we'll make sure to save her some cake and a craft!

We have soo much planned for the Christmas/New Year Season!!! We may have to do Christmas a little bit late this year so that our entire family can be with us, but that's just fine! It isn't the date that matters, it is the time we spend together!!! (and this way I can hit all the after-Christmas sales...WOOHOO!)

After Christmas here, the girls & I are going to WV to visit my grandparents and my Great-grandmother. I want the girls to spend as much time with her as they can! They can't wait to see them again!

I hope your Holidays are as happy as mine will be! Love & Hugs to all!

Thank You God!

I just want to take this time to thank God for everything He has given me. We may not always think God is listening because He doesn't answer our prayers on our time schedule or the way we think He should, but He always is. I know now that He has laid out my life according to His will and not mine. No matter how hard I try, I just can't convince Him that I know what I need better than He does and that is just fine. I am amazed at how much God loves us no matter what we say and do. Right now I am trying so hard to live by His word. We are tested daily. I am focusing on Luke 6:27-36 in my life right now. In order to be a better wife & mother to my family, I have to magnify God's love and minimize my contempt, as hard as that may be. For all those who've wronged me, you are forgiven. My life is God's to do with it what He will. I have no room in my heart for hatred because it is full of love and understanding. I promise God, myself, and my family to forgive and let live.

SMILE GOD LOVES YOU!!