My "Place"

I know where I stand in my relationships, but other people feel I don't. I want to put this out there to make sure I can not be unjustly accused one more day of trying to pose as or replace "HER".

For those of you who may not know (if any), I am not Monster's biological mother. No, I didn't conceive her, carry her for 9 months, or give birth to her. I have only been in her life since she was 6 months old, or the last 4 years & 1 month.

I don't believe giving birth to a child is the only way to be a MOMMY. If that were the case, there would be millions of motherless adoptees. No one ever says that those women are not "mommies" or that the children they raise have no right to love and respect them in that role.
Step-mothers have the task of raising a child that is not theirs, but feels very much as their own without the bio-mother feeling replaced. How am I supposed to love a child like my own, but treat her differently or call her "step-child" with a clear conscience? Am I supposed to care for her daily needs, help support her financially, answer questions about life, kiss booboos, discipline her, and love her as I do Madyson but at a distance?

It is apparently OK with the bio-mom that Monster has two Daddies (she has only know the stepdad for a year & he's been "daddy" for 10 months), but it is out of the question for her to have two Mommies. Is that really fair? Is he going to treat Monster differently than their child? Is he supposed to love his child more than her? Is he committing the same wrongs when he calls Monster his daughter?

I don't know how else to say that I am not trying to replace HER in Monster's life. The truth of the matter is, the more Monster's mind is poisoned against people in her life, the more confusing her life will be. I am SICK AND TIRED of fighting to prove my role in her life. I know where I stand. If she has a problem with it, that is all it will be; HER PROBLEM. Are all these issues stemming from MY role as Monster's step-mom/other mommy or her own insecurites as a mom? Only she and God know. Can I really replace her in Ashley's life if she is being the mom that Ashley deserves? I don't think so. Is it my doing if Ashley feels loved as much as Madyson? DARN STRAIGHT IT IS!!! She has never and will never feel like the "step-child" in our home, no matter what the circumstances.

I think that deep down she wishes I would treat Monster differently so that she could call me an evil person. Right now, all she has to go on is that I don't like her or what she has done to Monster. That must make me an evil person right? I don't like my husbands ex-wife. MY, WHAT A MONSTER I AM!!! I don't like someone who has put my relationship with my husband through so much stress the last four years because of the constant turmoil in Monster's life? I MUST BE STRAIGHT FROM HELL!!! I can't stand to speak to someone who's lied to me, my husband, social services, police, and the NC Court Sytem? WHAT AM I THINKING?!!

As I have stated before, the judge saw through facade and double standards to award Hubby primary custody. He did this for many reasons. If you would like a list, email me.
I love Monster as my daughter now and always. We will continue to love her, care for her, and make her life the best we are capable. Please pray for her and keep her in your thoughts as we live daily as happily as any other family could.If anyone would like to lodge a complaint with me, you know where to reach me. I am not the kind of person who has to hide or cower in the face of criticism.

On another note, Hubby, I love you more than you'll ever know. We have come through so much and I can't wait for the road we will travel in life. Monster, you were our first child and you will always be special. I will always be here when you need me. Monkey, my baby girl, you will always have my heart & your big sister's helping hands