MAY 07 UPDATE

Ok, haven't posted a blog in a little while, so here's an update.

Hubby is getting into the groove of his nightshift job. We are still working out the kinks of spending time "alone" while still giving the girls the time they deserve but we're getting there.

Monster just turned 4 and we had a "Little Mermaid" party...and even though we asked for NO TOYS she still racked up like a little bandit (thanks everyone!!!) My dad even bought a POWERWHEELS BARBIE JEEP for her and Monkey. YAY! THEY LOVE IT!!!

Monkey is still petite, but at least it is summer now so her pants dont look like highwaters, they just fit like capris (LOL). She is talking more than ME (and everyone knows how hard that is ). She will be two in July (and her party is that day also, so come join us) and she is VERY ACTIVE!!!

My Mary Kay business is starting to take off. I make great money, have made wonderful new friends, have added 2 new team members and still have a few more potentials. Let me know if you'd like a complimentary facial (even if you are out of town/state, i have "facials in a bag" that I can mail).

We have Custody court next week for Monster (unless they move it again) and we are confident that it will all work out. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

Pottery & Fish

Last week our family found something else we love to do together. I've been wanting to try out this cool little place called Dish'n. Its one of those "paint your own" pottery places. We let the girls paint magnets and we made a plate together as an anniversary present for Hubby's parents.

Then, today after a meeting with our attorney, Hubby and I decided to unwind by painting pottery. I made a "precious" piggy bank and Hubby made a "manly" beverage stein. I think he likes this place more than he lets on (today was his idea).

We took the girls fishing this morning. Monster actually picked up a cricket!!! Monkey just wants to cast and reel in the line, but hey, at least she's mastering the fundamentals early.

I can't believe our girls are growing up so fast and I love it, but hate it at the same time. They are both so independent, yet they need our love and guidance more each day.

Life is great!

(oh, & I turned 24 this week!)

Lions, Rockets, and More!

So, we joined the Zoo Society and Sci-works...with these memberships we can go to almost any zoo, aquarium, and science center all over the place. YAY! Our girls love animals and learning and we can't wait to wear out our passes. Our first trip to Sciworks was AWESOME!

Hubby is such a science nerd and I don't know who had more fun...him or the girls. Monster wanted to run around and do EVERYTHING. Monkey wanted to stay in the music room (mommy won't mind that at all) . Monkey slept through "The Cardboard Rocket" presentation in the Planetarium. Monster thought it was cool, but sooooo long. We agree.

Since the Zoo is 15 minutes from our home, we can go there all the time! I can't wait until summer. Monster wants to do Zoo camp...we'll see how that goes. Both girls love the Chimpanzees. Ashley's favorite is the "Bluppalos" (yes, i meant to spell it that way). Monkey loves the fish. I want to see the baby lions sooo bad! The new elephant exhibit will be done soon too! We have a "family plus" membership, so if you want to go, let me know.

We are having so much fun as a family with me being home and Hubby working nights. It is so great having this time together while the girls are young. Maybe if we establish "family time" now, it won't kill them to be seen with us in 10 years...LOL, we'll see.

March 15

Its pretty sad to think that a mom in today's world would treat their child as an object to control. I wouldn't be as angry if I thought she actually cared about the child's well being more than causing other people hurt. It's even worse that I have to watch it happen. I love our daughters very much and want nothing but the best for them. It hurts to think that another mother can't get past her own feelings of self-doubt and insecurities to give her child the best possibilities to succeed and grow. Just because you give birth to a child does not give you the right to control their every move. If you want something to control, buy a puppy.

Children should be raised to be independent, strong, and loving with respect and discipline. I don't want to be my children's friend. I want them to love, respect, and trust me. As long as they do that, I will give them anything within my reach (and even some things I have to stretch to get).

We are seeking full custody in order to provide a safe, stable, loving home for Monster. It is in her best interest not to have to go back and forth so much between her home and a hostile environment where her father and I are put down and belittled in front of her. A child should never be placed in the position that she has been in for her whole tiny life. We have our first court date on April 10. Please keep Monster in your thoughts and prayers everyone. Thanks for your support.

Stay At Home Mommy!

Ok everyone...I have decided to be a "stay at home mom" for a while. Matthew and I wrestled with this for a long time, but we've come to the conclusion that this is the best thing for all of us.

The girls will be at home with us during the day, he'll fight crime at night (LOL). I love being married to BATMAN...well, close to BATMAN.

I know that the girls will learn just as much from me as they would from preschool, especially since that is what I so...or did& and we're setting up play groups for the girls, so if you're interested, let me know.

I can't wait to spend everyday with my family!

Toys?

You know, its funny how people will fight for something and cause others to hurt just because they feel they deserve something...then once they get it, they don't even want it. Relationships, children, nothing is safe.Its like toddlers. If one puts down a toy, its ok. But the second another child wants the toy, they pitch a fit until they get it back. Then, they don't want it anymore. Women do it all the time..."I don't want it, but you can't have it either. If you do get it, I will make your life miserable until you give it back or you don't want it either."

NOTE:Women of the world, please stop degrading yourselves by ruining happy peoples relationships. If you are done with someone, be done. Don't keep bashing them. Let them have their space. Obviously, they weren't happy either, so stop trying to make it a point to say/do things or write on webpages what scum of the earth they are and what bad choices YOU made. All that does is show what kind of evil rests in your soul. If the relationship was that bad, why do you keep bringing it up? Unless there are still unresolved feelings, GET OVER YOURSELF.

It is said that children are a product of their environment as well as their physiology. I hope that in some cases environment will overtake biology. We try our hardest not to let strangers affect our children. However, what can you do when the negative influence is a family member? I've come to the realization that overcompensation would also be wrong. I won't use bribes as a means of "winning."

Our children will love and respect us because we love and respect them. They will follow our guidance because we use our behavior to model what we expect. If you are reading this after my last two entries, you'll have to take into account the following. I don't ever REGRET anything I say or do. Regrets only cause issues that can never be resolved. You can't change the past.

I will teach my children to stand up for themselves and for those who can't defend themselves, especially in the case of a child. No parent should treat their child as a pawn in the game we call life. If you think life isn't a game, think again. There are challenges, rewards, storylines, foes, allies, and hopefully at the end you can say "great game."

Every decision I have made in my life has given me what I consider a "great game" so far. I have allies, friends, and even a few foes. I know I will defeat the demons and overcome the challenges as long as I can trust my partner to be a rock when I need him as I will do the same.

There is not a moment that goes by that the future isn't affected by something someone says or does somewhere. It is our job as parents to make sure that we teach our children to turn to God and their families whenever they are faced with challenges, no matter how great or small.

That being said, Hubby, I love you and we will get through anything life throws at us as a team. You have a loving family, a great career, and the rest of your life to enjoy it all. Don't let anyone ruin that by getting under your skin. You can only be affected by what you let inside. Bounce the negative energy off as positive and life will only get better.

Reply

First off, you don't "piss me off". I have better things to worry about, like my children, than about whether or not you are angry or hurt or sad or anything else. I tried to be nice, I tried to be understanding. On a side note, this part makes no SENSE. Perhaps you were trying to say something else "good old fashoned comon sense that allows you to be pissed off at me all the time" but please elaborate if you would like me to understand.I do not believe you are making me out to be less of a person to Monster. I know where I stand with her.

However, it sure is funny how after a weekend with you she says things like "BM said you're not my mommy" & "BM said you are a mean girl and I don't have to listen to you." She doesn't just pull those things out of nowhere. She has heard them somewhere.I am not going off the deep end. I am responding to your passive-aggressive behaviors in the same way you presented them. You read a blog I posted about parenting and assumed it was about you. It was not, by the way. But, that's just another example of how YOU assume the world is only concerned with you. I don't know where you could have gathered that. If you think that I started this dialogue, go back and read that first one...it was all you!

In case you forgot, here is what you wrote: "I think that sometimes, we have 2 faces and when we want something we are willing to provide lip service and then change our opinion when others are around. Its pretty sad, but then we are all gulity. I also think that to make something about a childs best intrest is good. Yet, I also think that sometimes we forget who the mother and father is. Yes, everyone should love a child involved in a broken home, yet we should stand down and allow some parental decisions to be made wearhter we like them or not. And stop letting the parent that feels excluded, feel that way. Why would I have to make all the calls and what not. If this is a family that is supposed to pull together?"

Right there you tried to put me in my place. I don't give lip service. After three years you should know that I don't put up with lies. I don't need them. Why lie when the truth is just as much fun? I could give a flying flip who gave birth to her. Neither does she. I will never stand down on parental decisions because she is my daughter also. I will reiterate, decisions regarding her will affect BOTH households. Even if it the decision is only about you seeing her more. Case in point, Mondays. I don't object to her spending time with you. But any parent would agree that keeping a child in an office for two days straight is not only insane, but borderline abuse.

Even in childcare we are not allowed to let children stay inside all day. Also, when it will mean that I have to put Monkey in a car for 2 HOURS just to accommodate YOUR schedule, FORGET IT. Take that however you want. It is bad enough that you are making Monster sit in a car that long. I agreed to S. City (and so did you at dinner), one hour is the limit. Unless you were lying to my face when you said that you wouldn't want me to have to haul Monkey that far. You did not agree on pickup/dropoff times. You refused to drive here to pick her up for YOUR time.

Hubby agreed to drive to P. City every other Monday just to get you to shut up and let us have some family time. However, logistically, it may not be possible with his new work schedule, so be prepared. Also, I think you should be able to call US to discuss problems. Please do. Your limitations are laid out on paper. When and how often you can call, when you pick her up, and what we will discuss with you. If you are unsure, TALK to us about it. Don't call demanding to speak to Hubby.

Next, I know you could never replace me, believe me. As far as putting myself in your shoes, I don't have to worry about Monkey doing the same thing, because I didn't and won't leave her father to be with someone else. I can handle the problems life throws at me, no matter how hard they are. I think before I act & I won't have children with a man I am not going to spend the rest of my life with.The only decision you've had to "live with" is a haircut that MONSTER picked out and decided on. I am not going to apologize for that.

Just for the record, I could care less about "punishing you." God will do enough of that when you get there.I have never told you that you are unintelligent. No, I do not throw my education in your face. It is just a fact of life. If you are bothered by it, I will not apologize. Get over it. Also, if you are going to make it a point to show me that you are "not a blithering idiot" please have someone proofread your "work" before sending. It just makes me laugh even more when I am proven right. I don't need to "show out" (whatever that means).

You have neither right nor reason not to trust me. You are the one that just said it was a BLOG and that you should be able to express your feelings. That is all I am doing. Your own lack of confidence and self-destructive behaviors are the only things for you to fear. Things start going great and smooth in Monster's life and you can't stand it. Think back, you'll find it's never us to start the issues. We have only responded to your insecurities. This is why I know I haven't been wrong about you. You see things through your own perspective and spin them to make everyone else the bad guy.

Why do you think your dad wants nothing to do with you? He sees Monster through us because you treat him like everyone else in your life. If someone has something you want, you are right as rain. Once you get what you want, you treat them like shit. Not me anymore. You can deal with what you get. If you want something more, prove it. Stop lying and trying to manipulate. When you call, get off the defensive.

Realize this though, I will not be tread upon. I am a self-actualized person and I know I have more to offer than you are willing to listen to. I have never given you any misinformation. I have only offered tips and tools to help you raise Monster in the same manner we will so that she will have consistency. As a childcare professional with experience in birth through 12thgrade and the oldest of 6 children, I have knowledge that you as an only child with no prior experience with children could benefit from if you would only give it a chance. You are too busy trying to make me your enemy. You have from day one been jealous; admit it to yourself so that you can move past it.

One more thing, just for clarification, you could never put me down, because you would have to be superior to do that. I don't feel that you deserve the status of superiority to me, nor vice versa.

Choices

After some recent conversations, I have decided to post the following:

My husband and I make the right choices for our family. They may not be the best fot him or me, but we see them validated everyday in our children's faces and actions. Every time our children make the right choices at school, home, and church. Every time anyone tells us how wonderfully behaved they are. We know that we are rasing them in a loving home with "concious discipline" (thanks Dr. Becky Bailey).Wherever they are, whoever they are with, we know they will have the knowledge and power to make the right decisions. Outside influences will always try to negatively affect them, but I know with the right guidance the right choice will shine through.

The world is becoming a place that teaches violence, drug abuse, and teenage pregnancy is just a way of life. I know that sometimes even a child of great parents can make a wrong CHOICE. However, by preparing our children with every tool possible I hope to give them the best chance to succeed.

If you are a parent, stop being selfish. Make the right choices for your child. It doesn't matter if you don't like it. You are not your child's friend, you are their parent. If they don't like you at some point, GOOD, you are doing your job. If a child only gets his/her own way all the time, he/she learns that the world will bend to them. If a child has to live with disappointment everyonce in a while, they will learn to deal with life's twists and turns before the real world hits them. We are raising children that will be the future. Please keep this in mind when making choices regarding them.

To whom it may concern:

First off, a disclaimer...This is directed toward one person. Everyone else, feel free to read and comment all you want. I won't mind. If I didn't want people to read my feelings, I wouldn't post them. THANKS!

Ok, I'm done trying to be nice. It's time to be honest. I don't like you, never have, probably never will. I have tried to put on a friendly face, only to have it slapped repeatedly by your underhand and deceit. You can lie about me to whomever you wish, but those are transgressions you will have to face up to at some point in your own life or thereafter. You can take this however you want, but don't take it out on hubby or Monster by throwing her life into turmoil again. She is doing well and we will fight tooth & nail if necessary to keep it that way.

It's also great that "most of the time" you have Monster's best interest in mind, but we as parents ALWAYS put them first.
I have never been two-faced. I have never told you we were friends. I have said that we were trying to get along for Monster's well-being. I have never put on a facade for you or anyone else's benefit. At our custody meeting I was civil, made small talk, and gave you ample time to discuss issues.

I will say this again, hubby, the girls, and I are a FAMILY. We make decisions that will affect our FAMILY as a TEAM. Yes, we are capable of making decisions independent of one another, but we CHOOSE to confront life TOGETHER. If that makes you feel you play a second-stage part in Monster's life, that is your problem.

People can only make you feel what you want. If you are doing everything you can to be the best possible mom for Monster, then you should have no problem with the bond that she and I share or the fact that I am involved in her upbringing as closely as I always have been. Maybe if you have another child with someone else, you will understand the effects it has on a mixed family.

Also, you can tell her that I am not her mommy and that you "carried her in your belly" all you want. That doesn't change how she feels towards me, or vice versa. Yes, you are her BIOLOGICAL mother, but I am just as much her mommy as you are. Frankly, I am tired of hearing your "BM Pity Party". The world (not even Monster's) does not revolve around you. You are only one piece of the giant puzzle that is Monster.

I have tried SO hard to make everything work. Regardless of what you think, I have never tried to replace you. Get over yourself.
Right now you only have yourself and Monster to be concerned about. SF can be as involved as you let him. But just know, that if you have children together, you'll have to deal with a whole new set of guidelines, believe me or not, you'll see.

Next, I want to address the distance/phone issue. Yes, phones work both ways. But you can't have it both ways. If you want me to stay out of your business with Monster, then it is not my place to make sure that she calls you. You as her mother need to make the effort to be in her life as much as you want to be. YOU need to call her and be involved. I am only supposed to make sure that she is able to take your call or return one when it is missed. The only guidelines we have ever given is that the call needs to be placed between 4:30 and 7:00 pm in order in ensure that she is available and not in the bath or bed & that it is not EVERY night. We give you your space and time with her and we would appreciate the same courtesy.

I truly am sorry if you feel like the parent on the outside, though. It was never our intention to push you out of her life. I have ALWAYS made every effort to give you all the time with Monster that was available (minus the tumultuous time in recent history). Monster does not feel this as a point of doom. She is COMPLETELY happy with us @ home and her friends at school. Yes, she could probably be doing better if she heard from you every once in a while, but that is up to you.

We have never told you that you have to be a certain way to be around her. We have never made her choose sides and never will. YOU are the one making a big deal about who is Mommy. Hubby never once gave you hell over teaching her to call your ex "dada". He helped raise her for 2 years and Hubby understood that.

As for me, you are stuck. I am not going anywhere and my position will not change. Due to time constraints regarding both your and Hubby's schedules, I will have to continue to pick-up/drop-off Monster as necessary. Despite what you think, my goal in life isn't ruining yours and I wouldn't want to put your job in jeopardy. I have better things to do.
I agree, it is time to let the past go. That means YOU have to get over it too!

BTW, Hubby has already read this, so do not think you can play him either. He nor I no longer speak to you alone anyway, and if it does happen, it is being recorded. Keep that in mind.

I will continue to be civil to you regarding Monster, as well, hubby & I will keep you updated on her progress.

You can choose to delete me from your friends so that you may talk about me behind my back on your private profile, but I won't make my profile private. I want you to see what is going on in Monster's life and I won't be that petty. I have nothing to hide from you or anyone else. If I did, I wouldn't post it on MySpace.

Have a GREAT day!

Intentions

Ya know, when someone says they've changed, you only have to give them the benefit of the doubt until they've shown they haven't. I want to believe it for the sake of the innocent involved, but its very hard when you see the old person peek through. I know that life is hard and no one makes ALL the right choices. I understand and empathize, but I don't have to like any of it. I have the right to be perturbed. However, I am going to exercise the power of intention at this point. I am going to believe that change is possible and that everything is for the best. I will not resist the moment, I will live in it and make it work for me and my family. If you're reading this and it makes you upset, then maybe you have some things to look at in your own life. It is not necessarily directed toward one person, but as a general statement.

EVIL TWIN

Current mood:amused

Does everyone have an evil twin? You know, the other half of you that you wish people never knew, but still manages to poke its ugly head every once in a while? I know I do, but I am working on suppressing mine even further, so bear with me if I am a little bitchy at times. Its hard to keep my evil twin in her cage ALL the time, everyone needs exercise. Maybe one day soon I will be able to let her out at the appropriate moments only.

Toy Overload

Ok, we are FINALLY finishing the playroom for the girls!!! We thought about giving them each their own room, but really sharing a room will benefit them much more. They have so many shared toys & play together so much they would just be back and forth anyway. PLUS, sharing a room will help them learn to better communicate, establish personal boundaries, and many other skills needed for a successful life.

YAY, this means I get my room back and they have a place for ALL their toys! As if they didn't have enough already, all their grandparents & great-grandparents bought them SOOOOO many things that we haven't even been able to take a quarter out of the boxes yet!We (matt & I) agreed to buy them only 2 toys a piece, clothes, and each a tent/sleeping bag/flashlight set (Monkey: lil mermaid & Monster: disn. princess) because we were told how much to expect from everywhere else! They opened presents for 3 days !!!

Just a highlight of their loot received from everyone else...an actvity desk, indoor/outdoor patio table/chairs set, barbies, baydolls, A TON of art supplies, preschool workbooks, a few stuffed animals, Color by Wonder sets, MORE duplos, a TMX elmo, LEAP PAD stuff for BOTH of their leap pads, Playdough and a billion toys to go with it, clothes of course and SOOOOO much more! HELP ME!!! I have vowed that by Friday we will be in OUR room again. That is, if the toys don't overtake us first!!!

2007

Ok guys & gals...2006 is over & it was hard but ended superbly. Matthew and I have made it through another year without too much drama .

Monkey & Monster have grown so much and are deveolping their own very distinct personalities. Monster is a drama queen & the world is just "SO HARD" for her. We like to call her "WIM" (woe is me), but we cut her a little slack because she has to go between her mother's apt and our home. She's been through a lot of changes in her 3 1/2 years, but has come through it all more adjusted than I would be. I Know she'll be fine in the longrun, especially now that we've worked out a more structured parenting schedule with BM.

Monkey, on the other hand, is just a ball of energy. Nothing stops her when she wants to do something. She will try until she can't try anymore. She is more "LAM" (look at me). At only 18 months I can already see her being President of the World if she wants. She is so happy just running around being herself.

For right now, both girls play well together & love to be around each other.

For me, 2007 is going to be a time for growing and developing new & existing relationships; giving second chances, and getting closer to having everything I've always wanted.
My promises to myself, God, & my family this year are:1) To be more patient with my husband- yes, I love him more than any other man in this world and always will (but husbands can be so frustrating)

2) To continue to give our girls the love and respect they deserve as well as the space & support they need to grow into the beautiful, smart women I know they will be someday

3) To give second chances to those who may not deserve them, but need the opprtunity to show that they have changed or are in the process of turning over a new leaf & to also give them the benefit of the doubt in more situations

4) To put the finishing touches on my "happily ever after" dream (My family & close friends should know what I mean)

5) To live, love, and laugh the whole year through so that by this time next year I can look back and be as proud of my life as I am right now