The Real Me

Yep, I did it too L. I will bear my soul to the world & say "Forget You" to anyone who has an issue with it! Hmm, that felt kinda nice.

1. I have a lot of friends that I TRY to keep in touch with, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way

2. I miss CA, my friends, and all of its WARM SUNNY days, but I know NC is where I need to be.

3. I would give anything for a few bottles of Knott's Berry Farm Boysenberry Syrup! Yes, maybe even my first born, LOL. So, if you are reading this, my BDAY is in MARCH!

4. I am addicted to BIG BROTHER! I can't wait 'til it starts up again. Wanna be a contestant with me L?

5. I too take my food apart and eat it piece by piece, even if I just made a sandwich myself, it still comes apart!

6. I love my Hubby, but he gets on my nerves sometimes & his BAGGAGE has a name & I have to try my best to get along with it every day for the sake of an innocent child & and my own sanity.

7. Yes, I have issues with hubby having a "practice marriage," but I am not allowed to have those feelings because all it would do is cause problems. I hate he shared "firsts" with someone else, but at the same time we do have our own "firsts" with each other. I may not be first, but I am FOREVER!

8. I am one of those weird people who LOVED high school. Sure, I had bad moments, but isn't that life?

9. I miss college, in a nostalgic way. I had a great time, despite all the drama that may have happened every now & then. I miss the friends who were my family that I don't even speak to anymore.

10. I have a not-so-secret thing for monkeys - just to make it clear, MONKEYS HAVE TAILS. If it doesn't have a tail, I will not accept it's "monkeyness" no matter what the tag may say!

11. I love my blog. I can put my thoughts, feelings, and everything else in writing & clear my head...my friends and family (and others) know everything. If I cared what people read it, I wouldn't post it. I am not like some people who censor their lives. Its all right here for everyone to read.

12. I am OCD about some things.

13. I love Monster like my own and it pisses me off when certain people use the term "step mom" to try to put me in my place. I realize that is what I am in a Webster's sort of way, but I have been in her life since she was 6 months old. People adopt babies all the time and no one calls them "adoptive mother" everyday. Yes, her Bio-mother is still in the picture. Great, she will have two women who love her unconditionally for her entire life! That is still no reason to try to minimize my relationship with her.

14. I am afraid of the damage all this DRAMA with bio-mom will cause Monkey. It has already taken its toll on her, and she is only 2 years old. What hurts most is there is nothing I can do to prevent it, except what I am already doing. I mean, come on, how many 2 year olds sleep with their sister's pillow when she isn't there...or cry every time their sister leaves the house? Yes, it is getting better now that we have custody...and I hope it goes away altogether with time, but what other things are we missing?

15. I HATE that someone else used to have the power to control my life. Not anymore. I control my emotions and actions to better myself and my family, they come first.

16. I hate that most of my brothers ad sisters are truly ass holes. No, honestly, they are. I am not sure what went wrong, but they have no consideration for anyone but themselves & have no aspirations for life.

17. I miss my mom. She moved to another state one month before Monkey was born. Yeah, she visits, but I am sad she is missing out on the girls' lives.

18. I am a procrastinator. If I can do it tomorrow, it is not getting done today. This is kinda weird, cause it kinda makes me a little neurotic, LOL. I can't stand to have a "messy" house, but at the same time, I would rather play with my girls than vacuum sometimes. GRRRR! I'll just hire a maid, that should fix it, RIGHT?

19. I call my mother-in-law Satan every now and then. No, not because I hate her, she is actually great. Mostly I do it, cause its funny. She actually tells people that I call her that! LOL

20. Matt & I are going to try to add another member to our family, soon, but not right now. We have an appointment at the Birth Center TONIGHT - an hour and a half away. We are sad that the BC where we had Monkey is no longer having births at the center. We DO NOT want to have a "hospital birth" for so many reasons. I'll probably post a blog of all that stuff later when we are pregnant though.

21. It scares me to be "trying" because of the issues that surround my body & its negative reaction to pregnancy at first. My body rejects the pregnancy hormone like it is a disease. Once we get past the 3-4 month point we should be safe & we'll tell people. SO, don't feel bad if you are "the last to know."

22. I am going to be 25 in 48 days & I can't wait!

23. I have been married for 3 years in 4 months 1 week and 2 days! AND YES, Monkey will turn 3 on the same day!I LOVE MY LIFE even with all its drama!!!

Really?

Where does it say I hate you? Why am I still the bad guy? What basic requests do we ignore? When have we not let you talk to her? Sorry, I have a life too and can't be at your beckon call. My "dirty sausages" have never pointed at you. I think you have done enough of that yourself. Yes, I am guilty. Guilty of being part of the problem for a long time as much as anyone. I am not ashamed to admit that I have made some bad calls when it comes to dealing with you. I am guilty of loving her unconditionally to a point where I have given up trying to fight. We are done arguing. That is what we pay lawyers for. I am guilty of trying to open myself up to you only to have you shut it down on your end. I am guilty of encouraging Matt to do the "right thing" instead of only what the CO says. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop all this crap and be the mom you WANT to be for her, the one you say I am trying to be. I am done.

Stepmother's Bill of Rights

Stepmother's Bill of Rights

I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times.

People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws- cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.

I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.

I must be consulted about the children that will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.

I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters.

Others may not violate my private space at home.

I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home.

My stepchildren will treat me with respect.

Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together.

Today Sucked.

Ok, we found out the "colds" we have all had are Viral Upper Respiratory Infections. To top that off, I woke up this morning and our propane tank had gone empty last night at some point, so we had no heat!!! GRRRR

Then, I had to call BM to let her know that Monster is sick because we wouldn't want to spread this yuckiness to their house (especially with her being close to delivery), so we arranged to shift to a saturday to monday weekend. That went ok. Maybe that is getting better?

We spent the whole day on the phone with the Propane company BEGGING them to find it in their kind hearts to deliver to us SOMETIME today. They finally found time around 3 pm, YAY! So, now we are nice and toasty. I made a very warm yummy dinner & am now just taking a few minutes to check the emails of the day. I hope your day was better than mine!

The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. (Tolstoy)

GOOD MORNING

It's mornings like this that make all the "DRAMA" just fade away. I have been "under the weather" for a week or so and the girls have had colds. I have been pushing forward because things have to be done...YUCK! This morning, Hubby got up and made breakast for me and the girls & now he is playing with them in their new playroom. It's nice to have some morning time to myself to have a cup of tea and just chill. As a husband, he is still growing. His "practice marriage" (thats what we affectionately refer to it as) really left him with some scars and issues to overcome and we work daily on our relationship. We may have hills to climb, but the valleys in between are shallow. Communication, love, patience, and understanding are definitely staples in our home. As a father, I couldn't ask for anyone better. He loves his girls more than life itself. He knows what he wants for them in life and is willing to do everything in his power to make sure it happens. I know he will always be here for them no matter what life throws our way. Come on, how many dads will play princess tea party, blocks, & cars all in the same day? He definitely scores some points on days like this. I love you Hubby.

Family Time

WOW! The girls LOVE bowling! We took them, along with my sis R and Hubby's bro S to eat and then to the Bowling Alley last night. It was a BLAST!!! While we were deciding where to eat, Monster suggested a restaurant. Hubby said he didn't like it. Monster told him "um, if you don't like it you can drop us off and we will eat and you can eat somewhere else, then you can pick us up for bowling." The way she said it was SO funny! I couldn't laugh at the time because we had to let her know she couldn't have that kind of attitude with her daddy, but I teased him about it later!

First, I have never seen anything as cute as the TINY bowling shoes Monkey was wearing. She barely made it, the smallest size they had was a 6 toddler, she wears a 5 1/2 normally. They both used a 6 lb ball. Monkey's tiny hands couldn't reach all 3 holes, so she hugged and rolled "granny style" all night. Monster started that way, but by the 3rd game, she was bowling like a pro!!! She was so excited to be doing it all by herself.

They are both getting so big. Where the time goes, I have no idea. I've always loved spending time with kids, but I NEVER thought bowling on a Friday night with a 2 and 4 year old would be the highlight of my week.I can't wait until we are able to take them on REAL family trips, like the Grand Canyon, Disneyland (yes, LAND in CA), Sea World, and so many more!!! Yeah, we could take them now, but they won't remember it. Its times like last night that make it all worth while. We know that life has been a little crazy, but it seems to be falling right into place.

I LOVE MY LIFE!!!

Playroom!

WOOHOO!!! Paint is drying, carpet is down...we should be ready to move the toys & stuff in tonight! YAY! Finally, it is almost done...now, to find some cute framed posters and a few decals. We'll post a few pics soon! The girls have chosen a "Disney Princess" theme. Matt said Ashley chose "cinderella blue" so I thought that meant a nice light blue...WOW, I was soooo wrong. I think she picked a "Blues Clues" blue. It is very bright! I am glad we went with white for the toy drawers instead of the dark blue. My OCD would have gone into meltdown stage with the crazy color scheme otherwise.

WV

We had a great time in WV (Thurs-Mon) with my family! I even enjoyed the trip up & back with my brothers and sisters...SHOCKING, I KNOW!!! LOL My dad, my SM, me & the girls, two of my bros, two of my sister, & A (bro's friend) ALL rode up in the RV...a 7 hour drive. I thought I was going to be pulling my hair out the entire ride!!! Much to my surprise, it was actually fun. As they are getting older, my siblings (at least some of them) are actually becoming people I am proud of, maybe there's still hope, LOL.

Monster & Monkey loved the entire trip...the drive (mostly movies and sleeping, 'cause they had to stay in carseats), time with their Great-grandparents & great-great-grandma, seeing the lights, and playing with their aunts & uncles & and their "silly A,"- even their great-aunt & uncle. They are so fortunate to be able to spend time with their extended family! They have such special relationships & their are so many children who don't get that chance.We had a wonderful time & can't wait to visit again in the spring!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008

WOW!!! 2008 is going to ROCK!!!

Hubby & I are celebrating our fourth year together...WOW time really does fly when you aren't paying attention. Our wonderful girls are growing, changing, and learning more every minute!

This year, Monster will play t-ball, turn 5, start school, start Daisies, be a Sparkie in AWANA at church, and maybe even try out her basketball skills! Hubby can't wait to coach her team! Field trips, classroom parties, new friends, sleepovers (pray for Hubby, LOL), and so much more awaits her this new year!

Monkey will turn 3, maybe attend a half-day preschool a few days a week, start Cubbies in AWANA at church, and start gymnastics!!! Mommy & me gymnastics was so fun with Monster, I can't wait for that special time with Monkey, maybe Matt will participate too!!!

For Hubby & I, this year means strengthening our marriage & family daily, always striving to be the best parents for our girls. We will live each day to the fullest and never look back. I know now that all we can do is our best each day to be. We have to rely on ourselves to make the right choices and decisions for our family. If that steps on a few toes, they will heal given time. We are focusing on building a healthy atmosphere for our children and ensuring success in their futures. God bless you all in the coming year!!!

"May I have the patience and humility to believe things can get better, the willingness and courage to avoid blaming and to look at my contribution to each situation and the energy and flexibility to keep trying new ways to create more love and less stress in our lives."

New years are a chance for a beginning
Even when there hasn't been an end.
Wheels turn in an interminable bend,
Yet, marked in one spot, seem to wobble spinning.
Each year we hope to do a little better
Although we know that really nothing's changed.
Reason thinks that everything's arranged,
So we must dream if we would fate unfetter.

Holiday Fun

We FINALLY took our Holiday pics yesterday. For once, they turned out GREAT!!! Monster & Monkey BOTH smiled!!! We took about 17 poses and bought 12 of them. I think 5 "not so great" pics are great for having 5 people in them. I can't wait to get them posted for you all to see!!!

We are doing Christmas on the evening of the 26th this year so our whole family can be here. If you aren't busy, stop by for some extra Christmas cheer!!! Monster will spend some time with the other part of her family until the 25th & then we'll take her to Gpa for some time with him. She is sooo excited!!!

Monskey is spending Christmas night with Granny/PawPaw so that I can get up at dawn on the 26th and SHOP SHOP SHOP!!! After Christmas, the girls & I will be travelling to WV to my grandparents for MORE family fun, LOL.

To My Stalker & her friends

I knew that would get your attention.

I LOVE MY LIFE!!! It is so nice to be thought of by so many people everyday!!! My family, friends, church family, MK Sisters, and so many people know the real me. All of you (you know who you are) who have never taken the chance to know me have no right to judge me. You wish you could know me because then you could hate me. At the same time you are afraid to know me for fear that I am not the monster you have made me out to be. I am written about, talked about, and lied about. Jealousy is such an interesting feeling. At least I am forthcoming with my feelings. I don't have to hide, my blog is available for you and your friends to view.I welcome your comments.

BM, I am sorry that you hate me or resent my place in Monster's life or whatever the issue is. We used to be able to talk about her and so many other things. When exactly did you start hating me? There have been times where we haven't seen eye to eye, but what two people do all the time? You know there have times that I have been here when YOU needed me, not even concerning Monster. Or have you forgotten?

I want you to know I don't hate you. I feel for you. I can't imagine living life without Monster or Monkey daily. We never wanted it to have to come down to this, but it has. We have tried to meet with you to offer more time and a more flexible schedule while she is not in school, but you refused.

We all have our own strengths and weaknesses. You have your talents, hubby has his. SF & I have ours. Wouldn't it benefit Monster to be able to draw from all of those areas? Why should everything be a battle? You won't meet with us to get on the same page to be able to parent together, ask your opinion or involve you in choices, yet you criticize the ones we make. You say call to talk, yet when Hubby calls, you are on the defensive. Would you rather try to hate us from a distance & be "safe" than trust us? Or is it that you feel better hating us because you think we took her away?

Hubby may have been awarded primary physical custody but that doesn't have to affect your relationship with Monster unless you let it. I recognize you as Monster's mother, does that help? I can't tell you any other way. I want you to be in her life, but you are making that hard on yourself.

Hubby can only take so much from both of us. I am his wife and he will support me and my decisions regarding our home, children, and our lives together. That also means that he will include me in his decision making process, as I am sure you will do the same with your husband. You are Monster's mother and we will respect your views and opinions on choices regarding her. We will keep you informed, you will have to keep yourself involved. We only ask that you respect us and stop trying to make our lives as difficult as possible, you are only hurting Monster. She is happy, healthy, and loved by so many people, is that really so bad?

As far as the exchange place goes, we will document what is necessary in order to save Monster any unnecessary travel. By making that choice, you lost an hour with her. Was it worth it? All you need to do is call. Yes, sometimes we may have plans that we are not going to change. How will you know if you don't try? We do ask that you respect our time and give us as much notice as possible when you are able to be in town. Who knows, we might even offer to let you keep her an extra day. Hubby usually works the Sunday night we pick her up, wouldn't you rather have that time with your daughter? I know that's a hard concept to grasp given the circumstances, but we've done it before. That is what co-parenting is all about; being willing to make the best decisions for Monster, not ourselves.

That goes for all aspects of the order and Monster's life. We are not hiding anything from you and do not anticipate doing so. We expect the same respect from you. We are hoping that you can give us complete openness and honesty. I hope that one day you will have respect enough to speak with me honestly about your feelings, and stop accusing me of trying to replace you. You don't have to compete with me. I have my own special place in Monster's heart, as do all her parents.

My "Place"

I know where I stand in my relationships, but other people feel I don't. I want to put this out there to make sure I can not be unjustly accused one more day of trying to pose as or replace "HER".

For those of you who may not know (if any), I am not Monster's biological mother. No, I didn't conceive her, carry her for 9 months, or give birth to her. I have only been in her life since she was 6 months old, or the last 4 years & 1 month.

I don't believe giving birth to a child is the only way to be a MOMMY. If that were the case, there would be millions of motherless adoptees. No one ever says that those women are not "mommies" or that the children they raise have no right to love and respect them in that role.
Step-mothers have the task of raising a child that is not theirs, but feels very much as their own without the bio-mother feeling replaced. How am I supposed to love a child like my own, but treat her differently or call her "step-child" with a clear conscience? Am I supposed to care for her daily needs, help support her financially, answer questions about life, kiss booboos, discipline her, and love her as I do Madyson but at a distance?

It is apparently OK with the bio-mom that Monster has two Daddies (she has only know the stepdad for a year & he's been "daddy" for 10 months), but it is out of the question for her to have two Mommies. Is that really fair? Is he going to treat Monster differently than their child? Is he supposed to love his child more than her? Is he committing the same wrongs when he calls Monster his daughter?

I don't know how else to say that I am not trying to replace HER in Monster's life. The truth of the matter is, the more Monster's mind is poisoned against people in her life, the more confusing her life will be. I am SICK AND TIRED of fighting to prove my role in her life. I know where I stand. If she has a problem with it, that is all it will be; HER PROBLEM. Are all these issues stemming from MY role as Monster's step-mom/other mommy or her own insecurites as a mom? Only she and God know. Can I really replace her in Ashley's life if she is being the mom that Ashley deserves? I don't think so. Is it my doing if Ashley feels loved as much as Madyson? DARN STRAIGHT IT IS!!! She has never and will never feel like the "step-child" in our home, no matter what the circumstances.

I think that deep down she wishes I would treat Monster differently so that she could call me an evil person. Right now, all she has to go on is that I don't like her or what she has done to Monster. That must make me an evil person right? I don't like my husbands ex-wife. MY, WHAT A MONSTER I AM!!! I don't like someone who has put my relationship with my husband through so much stress the last four years because of the constant turmoil in Monster's life? I MUST BE STRAIGHT FROM HELL!!! I can't stand to speak to someone who's lied to me, my husband, social services, police, and the NC Court Sytem? WHAT AM I THINKING?!!

As I have stated before, the judge saw through facade and double standards to award Hubby primary custody. He did this for many reasons. If you would like a list, email me.
I love Monster as my daughter now and always. We will continue to love her, care for her, and make her life the best we are capable. Please pray for her and keep her in your thoughts as we live daily as happily as any other family could.If anyone would like to lodge a complaint with me, you know where to reach me. I am not the kind of person who has to hide or cower in the face of criticism.

On another note, Hubby, I love you more than you'll ever know. We have come through so much and I can't wait for the road we will travel in life. Monster, you were our first child and you will always be special. I will always be here when you need me. Monkey, my baby girl, you will always have my heart & your big sister's helping hands

Wasting Time

Hope begins in the dark, hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work; you don't give up. Anne Lamott

We are trying so hard to do the best for Monster. However, it is so hard to keep hoping that BM will make the right decisions. For example, today when we picked up Moster, we asked how her weekend went. She said she had fun with BM & SF at bm's mother's house. Matt told her that must have been fun. She then asked why she had to ride with SF but BM got to stay at gma's house. Yes, SF dropped off Monster & no BM to be seen. Mind you, this concerned us because we picked up Monster at the exchange point which is 1/2 way between bio-mother's home and our own, 1 hour each way...but gma lives 10 minutes from us. Which means Monster was in a car for 2 hours for NO good reason other than to waste our time and gas!

When Hubby called to ask bio-mother about it, she couldn't give a reason that would justify the time, other than her lawyer advised her "not to sway from the order". When in actuality, she violated the order. It states that "both parties shall be mindful and considerate of the other's time..." AND it even cost her an hour of time with Monster (because she didn't even make the trip...she sent SF).

If I only had 48 hours with my child every 2 weeks, I would spend every minute possible with her. Maybe she will realize that by trying to waste our time & energy, she is costing herself more. If not, I am sorry, but we will not shed a tear for her. Is proving that she is not going to budge really worth hurting our daughter? Its pretty sad to think that she would rather try to hurt us than spend the time with Monster. Her inflexibility will cost her more in the long run than she realizes. For now, we will enjoy Monster & make the best of our time in the car, even when it isn't necessary...singing, joking, and being a family!

Life isn't all sunshine and daisies. We have to put our children first, even when we don't get our way. Hugs and Kisses to ALL!!!

Our Family History - Chapter 1

Hubby & I met in HS & had a few classes together, but I dated the same guy through HS & Hubby wasn't really in my "circle." In Fall of 2003, Hubby was separating from Monster's bio-mother. On a twist of fate, Hubby & I ran into each other at a football game (his mom had forced him to go to) about 2 weeks before our mutual friend JR was going to be moving in with him. Being that JR and I spent a lot of time together, I figured I might as well get to know Hubby again.

Hubby & I went to IHOP after the game & played "catch up." We talked about our lives since HS & his then 6 month old daughter Monster. Well, like I said before, JR and I were close which meant seeing a lot of Hubby too. One night after a movie & some XBOX @ JR's parents home, Hubby kissed me. It was definitely not something I was expecting, but that's where it all began.

Fast forward one year, and we find out we are expecting Monkey! Yet again, not expected, but wonderful none the less. Hubby & I had planned on being married and starting our family soon, but maybe not quite this soon. He wanted to have a more stable income & be a man his children could look up to, so he decided to begin Basic Law Enforcement Training and enter the police force.

While all this was going on, his mom found out she had Cirhossis and had to undergo some testing and hospital stays. We moved from our home into theirs for a few months to help care for his younger brother S who was in Elementary school at the time. It was definitely an interesting experience. I was pregnant, he was in BLET, we were going through some custody changes with Monster, and so much more! I am surprised my head didn't explode!!!

OK, all you guys out there, you may want to skip these next few parts!!! Hubby and I planned to be married a few weeks before Monkey was due. We got our marriage license and everything was good to go. He and I went to Red Lobster that night to celebrate! Well, Hubby had a job interview that morning & my dad called me and asked if I could work at our care home because someone didn't show up! Since we only had one car at the time, we went to the interview, ran by wal-mart, and went to the care home.

I had felt cramps all morning, but thought it was just something I had eaten the night before or really bad gas (sorry for the TMI). Around 2, my sister showed up to relieve me at the care home & we went home. We finally called the birth center (we wanted to have a natural water birth) & they gave us all kinds of instuctions on how to stop the "Braxton Hicks" contractions I was supposedly having...think again!!! At 4 pm, Hubby & I met his parents at the courthouse. We got married in about 10 minutes (between what I later found out were contractions!) & went home.

At 6:00 I finally called the Birth center back and asked if I could have some tylenol or something & they had us come in just to be on the safe side. On the way to the birth center, I started having what i called REAL pain. When we got there, I was 10 cm and at a +2 station (for those who don't know, the head was almost showing!) Well, 10 minutes later, Monkey graced us with her presence! I will definitely never forget that day!

Hubby got his first position as a police officer in Nov 2005. His Chief and all the other officers were wonderful! That PD family was wonderful to have, but it was too far of a drive and he wasn't making near what he was worth. When he was offered a position, closer to home making 8k more plus raises in 6 months...he jumped on it! He should've started in February, but his body decided it didn't need his Gallbladder anymore so, after surgery and 2 weeks of resting, he started in March 2007.

Backtrack a little, in fall 2006, we began having BIG issues with Monster's bio-mother. Matt filed for custody in October because of some major concerns. Then, all of a sudden she starts dating this guy & decided to move 2 hours away (within 2 months). We knew that Monster didn't need to travel all that way twice a week. After mediation, Hubby & BM agreed that Monster would be with us during the week and every other weekend. That worked for about 4 months.

Then, out of the blue BM decided it wasn't going to work for her. Knowing there was nothing else we could do, we returned to the original order. Our attorney set a court date and we started preparing for the battle ahead. After many re-scheduled dates, 2 unsubstantiated sexual abuse reports (filed by the bio-mother), and DRAMA, we finally got in front of a judge. Then, after 3 days of testimony and some more time in agony waiting for a decision, Hubby was awarded Primary Physical Custody. The judge listed many reasons for his decision, most of which were based on the BM's instability. We were in shock that it was all finally over!!! Now we are able to give her the life she deserves!

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Icicle lights are up (even though they don't match). Thanks Hubby!! My OCD nature will have to look past them for a few more weeks), Monster & Monkey have visited Santa, and we have presents wrapped and under the decorated tree. YAY, soon S he will be here. Saturday, Monkey will be attending our church's Birthday Party for Jesus! Monster will be at her other home for the weekend, so we'll make sure to save her some cake and a craft!

We have soo much planned for the Christmas/New Year Season!!! We may have to do Christmas a little bit late this year so that our entire family can be with us, but that's just fine! It isn't the date that matters, it is the time we spend together!!! (and this way I can hit all the after-Christmas sales...WOOHOO!)

After Christmas here, the girls & I are going to WV to visit my grandparents and my Great-grandmother. I want the girls to spend as much time with her as they can! They can't wait to see them again!

I hope your Holidays are as happy as mine will be! Love & Hugs to all!

Thank You God!

I just want to take this time to thank God for everything He has given me. We may not always think God is listening because He doesn't answer our prayers on our time schedule or the way we think He should, but He always is. I know now that He has laid out my life according to His will and not mine. No matter how hard I try, I just can't convince Him that I know what I need better than He does and that is just fine. I am amazed at how much God loves us no matter what we say and do. Right now I am trying so hard to live by His word. We are tested daily. I am focusing on Luke 6:27-36 in my life right now. In order to be a better wife & mother to my family, I have to magnify God's love and minimize my contempt, as hard as that may be. For all those who've wronged me, you are forgiven. My life is God's to do with it what He will. I have no room in my heart for hatred because it is full of love and understanding. I promise God, myself, and my family to forgive and let live.

SMILE GOD LOVES YOU!!

HOLIDAY LETTER 2007

Current mood:happy

Happy Holidays! I have wanted to send out a family Holiday letter for the last few years and life just seems to get in the way. This year, I am making time to at least blog about it! We have had a busy year! Hubby and I celebrated our 2nd Anniversary, Monster turned 4, Monkey turned 2…and so much more. I'll try to hit the highlights.

Hubby had gallbladder surgery in February and then transferred from one PD to another in March. This move has given him more time at home and a pay raise. His new shift is 7pm-7am and he either works Mon/T & Fr/Sat/Sun or Wed/Thur each week. We love when he has a Wed/Thur work week. We are able to plan so many wonderful family activities!

For those who haven't heard yet, I am a Senior Independent Beauty Consultant with Mary Kay Cosmetics. I fell in love with the product and the opportunity. It gives me the freedom and flexibility to not only make my own schedule and write my own paycheck, but to stay home and be a mom to our girls full time! If I haven't given you a complimentary facial yet, I'm coming!

We were in and out of court all year for our custody case for Monster. We finally got in front of a Judge in October. After three days of testifying & weeks of waiting for a decision, Hubby was granted custody. We are so thankful that God heard our prayers and placed Monster where he felt she will grow and learn best. We will have Monster during the week and every other weekend, as well as every other Thanksgiving, Spring Break, Christmas, and most of the summer. We hope that her biological mother is able to be as involved in Monster's life as possible. Please pray that God will open her heart to communicating with us so that we can develop a healthy parenting relationship for her.

Monster and Monkey are growing so much and learning everyday! I won't try to list everything, but here are a few big things. Monster can write her first and last name, TIE HER SHOES (YAY), count to 30, and her ABCs. Monkey is right beside her learning whatever she can, she is a little sponge. She can spell her first name, recognize 20 letters, knows 6 shapes and 4 colors. We are so proud of our girls!!!

Monster is still our little Drama Queen. Every little scrape sends her to her deathbed. She is so emotional and loves to be the center of attention. I can't wait to get her into some community theater! She enjoys playing with Disney Princess, dress up, baby dolls, and her books. She is looking forward to playing t-ball in the spring. She'll start KINDERGARTEN in August. I can't believe it!!!

Monkey is our little spitfire. She definitely has her mommy's determination and he daddy's stubbornness. Sometimes that can be challenging for us. She is definitely more of a physical than emotional kind of girl. She loves cars, books, cooking, and playing outside. We have to give her some time to climb and run outside everyday or she climbs our walls!

As a family, we have visited so many places this year and experienced new things. We love living so close to the zoo. We like to go for a morning visit and the girls are learning so much. They are both really into animals and nature. We also love the many museums our area has to offer. We can't wait to explore our surrounding states between now and August! We have a lot of exploring to do!We are so blessed to have such a wonderful life. We wish all of you a wonderful holiday season and a Happy New Year! Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers as we navigate through life.

Brought to you by the letter O

OVERVIEW- July and August were rough, but wonderful nonetheless. Monkey turned 2 and we celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary!!! Our court date was postponed (twice), so Monster's still in limbo. DSS cleared Matt and unsubstantiated BM's claims against him. We never had any worries, it was just another way for her to stall the preceedings. We've also found a great counselor for Monster to talk with so that she can get her little mind straight.

I went to Dallas for nearly a week for the MK Seminar and IT WAS AWESOME!!! August has been quiet (except for some minor drama at the beginning) so YAY for that!

ORDER- I am restoring some to my life regardless of what others do. My family life will no longer be disrupted by another's choices. We will plan and live according to God's plan for us no matter who tries to throw a monkey wrench in the works.

OPEN- My MK business is open and growing. After seminar, I realized I haven't dedicated as much time to my biz as I should have and that is going to change! So, if you haven't had a facial yet, GET READY! My goal is 30 faces in 30 days and I will need your help!!!

OCTOPUS- yes, octopus...I feel like I am one sometimes. I have so many irons in the fire and each one is just as hot as the first.

OBSTACLES- Many have been placed in our life, but we are getting through and over them as they come; some with a little more difficulty than others, but none will overcome us.

OCTOBER- Hubby's bday. Beach trip later that month with the family. Court, once again, has been rescheduled & we will be in court Oct 23-25 (barring a meteor shower LOL)

OPEN BOOK- My life is one. If you are reading this, know that. I have nothing to hide. If I did, I wouldn't post it on a public blog! I can be held accountable for my actions and this makes it easy for me. I hope you have enjoyed today's blog! Have a GREAT day!

The letter of the day is "H"

H is for...HAPPY! We are so blessed to have TWO wonderful little girls. Monster has been through a lot, but hopefully we can get it straightened out VERY SOON! She loves helping her little sister learn how to "be big" and encourages her so much. Monkey will be TWO soon. I know, I can't believe it either!!! She is so energetic and loves to laugh. We are working on "the potty" and what DOES go in it and also what DOES NOT. We are having a little trouble on the latter because she is very curious and LOVES to "Fwush".

H is for...HOPPING! My MaryKay business is going superbly. I hope to be in my Red Jacket by the end of the month. I love having a network of wonderful Christian women to help me help myself to get where I am going in life.

H is for...HEART. I am also proud to say that Hubby and I will be celebrating our TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY soon. Hubby, I love you and we will get through everything that has been a challenge in our life together and those to come. Sometimes I need to lean on you and others you'll have to lean on me. Sometimes, when we least expect, we'll have to lean against each other just to stand, but we will overcome anything life (or Satan) wants to throw at us and come out smiling with new knowledge gained and our relationship stronger.

H is for...HONESTY. This is for everyone in my life. Please give me the respect I give you by being honest with me. I know that the truth sometimes hurts, but lies hurt more. By lying, you leave a door open for the truth to be found out by someone else. If a lie is found out, it usually hurts twice as bad because you get the hurt of the original deed being covered up as well as the hurt of being lied to. Wouldn't it just be easier if everyone could grow up and be honest? Thank You to everyone that has been here for us through trying times. We have appreciated the moral support from our friends and family, it helps more than you realize. I love having a support sytem as greatly structured and strengthened as we have seen come together these past months.

P.S. next court date is July 10th, keep Monster in your thoughts and prayers. May nothing evil cross this door

And may ill fortune never pry
About these windows, may the roar
And rains go by...Strengthened by faith, the rafters will
Withstand the battering of the storm,
This hearth, though all the world grow chill,
Will keep you warm.Laughter shall drown the raucous shout.
And, through the sheltering walls are thin,
May they be strong to keep hate out
And hold love in.--Louis Untermeyer